As Saint Augustine once famously prayed: "Our hearts will never rest until they rest in Thee, our God." Of course, he was speaking from experience.
So too, Brothers, there will come a time where the restlessness in our hearts will see us wandering and searching, and it will seem that we still haven’t found what we’re looking for. What is this restlessness? What is the object of the yearning in our hearts that continues to elude us?
In the 80’s, the song “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for” by U2 utilized some very deep and profound lyrics which expressed this restlessness quite well in what basically ends up being a prayer:
“I have climbed highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you
I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you”
At this point in the song, one begins to ask… “wait a second, who is he addressing when he is saying ‘…only to be with you?’”
But the lyrics go on, and the mystery person is revealed:
“You broke the bonds
And you loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Oh my shame
You know I believe it”
All this faith, only to conclude with:
“But I still haven't found what I'm looking for.”
The restlessness in our hearts, even when we believe. The song expresses Bono's (the lead singer’s) doubts in his faith, as he himself acknowledged. He feels there must be still something more, something important that he is missing in his relationship with God and/or in his understanding of it. And this is all of us. Though we’ve been blessed with the faith, Jesus himself reminds his followers to continue searching, but then also reassures them with the words: “seek , and you shall find. Knock, and the door shall be opened.” And what does one do with that treasure they finally find hidden in the field of life? The treasure itself, Jesus, gives us the answer: “he goes and sells all he has, so as to acquire that field.” In the Kingdom of God, restlessness finally finds its peace.
In today’s gospel, a man approaches Jesus seeking, restless, asking questions about commandments… but what he’s really seeking is the Kingdom of God, and what he doesn’t know is that God himself is standing just a few feet away from him veiled beneath a true human nature. And Jesus says to him, “You’re not far from the Kingdom of God.”
In our moments of restlessness, we should only remember, that Christ is close to us. And if Christ is close to us, what can be against us? Not even death and its sting will be able to conquer us, for the Creator of all things is by our side. Yet, that is not a friendship, an ally, we ought to take for granted. He’s at our side, yes, but he continually beacons us to draw even closer to the Light. Jesus is the Light.
Our Seraphic Father, Saint Francis of Assisi was also very restless. Restless before his conversion, and restless after his conversion. Let’s be honest! He didn’t know how to stay put! Running from one place to the next, pastoral work all over the place, but… he was able to stop all that, and find peace, and solitude, in those intense moments of prolonged prayers which spanned the duration of weeks, even months at a time so that he could bask in the light of the Saviour. And that presence, that Light of the Saviour, gave him strength, just as in the Superman novels, we see Superman having to be exposed to the Sun so as to receive his strength, so too do we need to place ourselves within the presence of our Lord.
Saint Francis came to know that his restlessness could only be tamed by the One who calmed the sea, and brought its tumultuous waves to a peaceful stillness. He alone is able to silence the havoc in our lives and still our restless hearts.
With this in mind, let us continue to spend our time with Jesus, who “loosed our chains and carried the cross of our shame.”
Don’t let your restlessness and shame of former or present regrets and sins define you. Give it all to the Lord who created you and has loved you from eternity, for even when you were not conceived, you were already in his heart and mind. Don’t despair. Life is a journey and he is here to guide you through while wishing you to experience life, even now, in its fullness.
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